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Phobia of Frogs,
Explorer,
Seasoned Bonnarovian
Reading Enthusiast,
I Fashion myself quite the comedian, though I'm probably not that funny, Baker,
I'm also bad at introductions.

Ask me anything

Submit

princesshoneycunt:

ed-pool:

"I want my father back, you son of a bitch"

"And for a moment, he was alive. And my fairy tale came true."

Source: ed-pool

Source: goldfishgal

Source: josephg

In honor of my Birthday Today 

In honor of my Birthday Today 

adventurecomics:

fallontonight:

Ron Funches speaks the truth! 

Ron is my current favorite comedian.

Source: fostershomeforgifs

smartgirlsattheparty:

micdotcom:

City of Toronto launches brilliant campaign against littering

Smart Girls don’t litter! 

Source: micdotcom

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

failedhellos:

mysteampunkheart:

lam681:

winmu:

scullylovesqueequeg:

tamtoee:

yeahmicah:

thegirlinthesea:

spookydatrump:

note-inthepages:

Accurate post is accurate.

Reminds me of the time a lady told me whip doesn’t melt. Or a guy yelled at me for not understanding him/hearing him because he kept talking on the phone

Lame

For those in retail.

I worked in a Lil Caesars and a woman came in and wanted a sausage pizza with no sausage, but got mad when she was given a cheese pizza.

So when I worked at fitting room in Old Navy, a woman told me that a medium top was too small, and that the large top was too large. So she asked me to find her an “x-medium”. Old Navy carries x-small, small, medium, large, x-large, 1x, 2x and 3x. There is no “x-medium”. But she insisted, so I went and found her an “x-medium” (which was just a medium in a different color but the same top, same make, same EVERYTHING) and she goes very happily, “THIS! THIS FITS ME PERFECTLY! THANK YOU SO MUCH! See, you can do anything you can set your mind to!”

I’m a waitress at a big fancy resort, and once a woman asked me for a diet water and when I told her there was no such thing she demanded to see my manager (who then also promptly told her there was no such thing and brought her regular water).
Another occasion of stupidity occurred when a woman had been brought a steak cooked too much for her liking. I offered to take it back and bring her out a new one, cooked a little less, and she said “NO this one’s fine I just want you to cook THIS one a little less.” I then had to get the chef and have him explain why you can’t UNCOOK a steak.

When I was working at dunkin donuts there was this woman in the drive-thru who asked for a lightly toasted croissant and then started complaining that the croissant was warm. And wanted her money back, so she gave me the croissant back and I gave her the money and then she tells me “now i want my new croissant” she wanted a new one for free and as she was screaming at me this guy in a biker gang covered in tattoos leans over the counter in the store and yells “ma’am let me just tell you what we’re all thinking. fuck off, you stupid ****.” I couldn’t stop laughing and she drove away in anger.

Most of the people like in the stories above know that they’re being totally irrational, but also know that if they complain enough they’ll most likely get something free or discounted. So really most of the the nonsensical fucks are actually just cheap fucks with no shame or respect for people.

That last bit of commentary though.

Source: 9gag

In the past 3 weeks I’ve:

1. Moved to a different state.

2. Started a new job.

3. I have learned how to get my coffee machine to automatically brew before i wake up so i can have coffee ready when I finally roll out of bed.

I’m acting like an adult, slowly but surely 

Tagged: personalcoffeeI think we know which thing is the biggest win on this list

ceruleanbabe:

reallifescomedyrelief:

viforcontrol:

beautifuloutlier:

gwydtheunusual:

too—weird-to-live:

zafojones:

Circus Tree: Six individual sycamore trees were shaped, bent, and braided to form this.

how the hell do you bend and braid a tree

Actually pretty easy. Trees don’t reject tissue from other trees in the same family. You bend the tree to another tree when it is a sapling, scrape off the bark on both trees where they touch, add some damp sphagnum moss around them to keep everything slightly moist and bind them together. Then wait a few years- The trees will have grown together. You can use a similar technique to graft a lemon branch or a lime branch or even both- onto an orange tree and have one tree that has all three fruits.Frankentrees.

As a biologist I can clearly state that plants are fucking weird and you should probably be slightly afraid of them.

On that note! At the university (UBC) located in town, the Agriculture students were told by their teacher that a tree flipped upside down would die. So they took an excavator and flipped the tree upside down. And it’s still growing. But the branches are now the roots, and the roots are now these super gnarly looking branches. Be afraid.

But Vi, how can you mention that and NOT post a picture? D:

[source]

when i lived in ocala we had a bunch of citrus trees in our back yard and there was this one really tall one and on the top it was oranges and the bottom was grapefruits it was really cool

ceruleanbabe:

reallifescomedyrelief:

viforcontrol:

beautifuloutlier:

gwydtheunusual:

too—weird-to-live:

zafojones:

Circus Tree: Six individual sycamore trees were shaped, bent, and braided to form this.

how the hell do you bend and braid a tree

Actually pretty easy. Trees don’t reject tissue from other trees in the same family. You bend the tree to another tree when it is a sapling, scrape off the bark on both trees where they touch, add some damp sphagnum moss around them to keep everything slightly moist and bind them together. 
Then wait a few years- The trees will have grown together. 

You can use a similar technique to graft a lemon branch or a lime branch or even both- onto an orange tree and have one tree that has all three fruits.

Frankentrees.

As a biologist I can clearly state that plants are fucking weird and you should probably be slightly afraid of them.

On that note! At the university (UBC) located in town, the Agriculture students were told by their teacher that a tree flipped upside down would die. So they took an excavator and flipped the tree upside down. And it’s still growing. But the branches are now the roots, and the roots are now these super gnarly looking branches. Be afraid.

But Vi, how can you mention that and NOT post a picture? D:

image

[source]

when i lived in ocala we had a bunch of citrus trees in our back yard and there was this one really tall one and on the top it was oranges and the bottom was grapefruits it was really cool

Source: zafojones

I know that I’m an adult, but I need a higher level adult.
— words that just left my lips and describe my current life. (via enjolrastopheles)

Source: enjolrastopheles